Men With Commitment Phobia
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Majority of women are romantic by nature. They love candlelit dinner, love notes tucked into books, roses and chocolates and the whole romantic package. This is not a bad thing, but men with commitment phobia take advantage of this trait. This would oftentimes leave the women heartbroken and miserable afterwards. If you are one of these women, then read on and determine if your man is a commitment phobic.
Definition Of Commitment Phobia
Commitment phobia is a psychological and emotional disorder that prevents a person from committing himself to a relationship. It may also indicate fear of commitment to anything, job or career related. This fear of commitment stems from the person’s previous traumatic experiences in love, relationships and life itself. The experiences are generally unpleasant and painful and these leave a scar that festers for long.
Reasons For Commitment Phobia
Your man may be commitment phobic because of the following reasons. He may have been estranged from his parents at an early age because of divorce or separation. Because of the pain he suffered from this experience, he concludes that all marriages or serious relationships end in pain and misery, so he will refuse to commit himself. He may have witnessed or experience betrayal from persons close to him and he does not want to relive that pain, so he avoids commitment.
He may have lost a loved one due to death or illness. This painful event can be traumatic especially for a young child. This will make him fear commitment because of the idea of suffering from the death of a loved one. With these reasons, it would take a long healing process and appropriate therapy to free him of his trauma and fears. While he is in that quagmire though, he will keep hurting people with his lack of commitment and insensitivity. You should distance yourself from a commitment phobic man to avoid hurting yourself in the process. You can recognize a man with this disorder through various symptoms.
Iindications Of A Man With Commitment Phobia
He lavishes you with sweet little nothings and is extra thoughtful. He would promise you the world and everything in it just to gain your heart. He does not forget important dates and goes out of his way to woo you and impress you. He is the romantic Romeo you have always been dreaming of. But once you agree to a relationship and are serious about it, he sizzles down, becomes unromantic, and starts moving away.
He has a string of affairs or relationships before he came to you. His valid excuse is that he has not yet met the true girl of his dreams until you came along. He does not stay in one job for long and has several seemingly good reasons why he keeps changing jobs. Such is the practice of a man with commitment phobia.
He may lure you with his future dreams for both of you but when you start planning seriously, he clams up and changes the topic. When you notice these behavioural patterns in a man, and then keep your distance. Once you have surrendered, he will gradually withdraw from the relationship and will start dishing out reasons for his aloofness. You rarely win with a commitment phobic man. You will end up hurt, miserable and unhappy.
If you have no purpose of ending up this way, then spot them and evade them before any closeness develops. Keep in mind that it is a disorder, which is usually difficult to resolve. On the other hand, genuine love can conquer even a man with commitment phobia. But it will be a Herculean task and you will have to endure continuous relationship problems and challenges everyday of your life. If you meet a man you truly love and you are willing to spend the rest of your life helping him out with his phobia, then here are some pointers you can adapt.
Pointers In Handling A Commitment Phobic Man
Play hard to get. Do not make any commitments until he decides to come
clean with you. Be independent, live your life and show him you do not
really need him. Draw him however, in activities that encourage
positive thinking through meditation and relaxation.
Let him open up. Allow him to talk about his fears and with his revelations, ask him to visit a psychologist. The change of perception has to come from him. It is a slow process but with generous help, some men are able to conquer their fear.
You can help him undergo cognitive behavioural therapy to change his pessimistic behaviour into optimism. Perception has a lot to do with his consequent actions. Is there hope for men with commitment phobia? There is always hope for anyone no matter how impossible the situation is.
The key is to make him aware of the situation and do something about it. If you are wondering what you should do with commitment phobic men, then you have only two alternatives: either you run away from them as fast as you can before you get caught in his web of pain, or stay in that web and start the arduous task of removing him and yourself from that web. If you choose the latter, then you have to be patient and be ready for a lot of pain and hard work. The choice is yours.